Ten essential steps to save a marriage when your partner isn’t trying
Can One Person Save a Marriage?
Here the scenario is that you want to save a marriage when the only one is trying, either husband or wife. Let’s discuss a famous example that our ancestors have used for married couples. Our elders say that marriage is like a vehicle where husband and wife are like wheels. When both of the wheels are running well it’s perfect. But when one of the wheels is not performing your vehicle will not run.
So, it’s quite challenging to save a marriage when the only one is trying. Remember it’s difficult but not impossible. You can save a marriage when only one is trying by using some best practices.
What causes problems in a marriage?
The most hurtful question that one asks themselves is why is it happening? What caused our relationship to wilt so quickly? As heartbreaking as these questions are, they need to be confronted and resolved. Turning a blind eye to the real problems in your marriage can make these issues the root cause of your unhappy relationship. Some major causes may include:
- Lack of communication: Communication is the winning factor to a successful relationship. If you are looking for a bond that stays for a lifetime, you need to be a good listener and speaker at the same time. Lack of communication can create distance between you and your spouse. Your partner may feel unheard and forgotten, leading to a situation that can even result in divorce or separation.
- Lowered interest: One of the most common issues of today’s generation is the lack of interest as time passes. People in the past had relationships that lingered throughout their lives. How? They kept showing love and interest in each other. A couple must explore their affections and keep the spark alive. Being expressive is one of the most effective ways to make your marriage fixable.
- One wants to leave: The worst nightmare of any married individual is their partner wanting to go. Getting out of a relationship can have a horrible impact on the mental and physical health of the other partner. Trying to assure your partner that you want them to stay can depict that the marriage is still salvageable.
- Pressure on a single person: It is hard to face reality when it is devastating to the core. The feeling of rejection comes into power when your partner isn’t trying in the relationship anymore. The pressure is single handedly on your shoulders, and you don’t know what can save this bond anymore. Below are ten essential steps to save your marriage when your partner isn’t trying.
How to Save my Marriage Alone?
The number of divorces and couple therapy sessions have elevated manifolds over the past few years. One of the worst scenarios of all is when one of the partners stops trying in a relationship and is at the brink of leaving. Fixing broken pieces of your marriage is no easy task, but following a series of steps can help assuage the situation and make it better over time.
Do not panic:
We as humans have the urge to express anger, sadness, and frustration. It is challenging, especially when your relationship and years of effort are being wrecked altogether. However, the first thing you need to do is not panicking. Now that you know about your partner’s intentions let’s find a way to resolve it instead of freaking out. With optimistic thinking and a clear mind, you can make things right,
Is it worth it?
One of the most critical questions you need to answer honestly is the worth of your relationship. Many people try to pick pieces of a puzzle that was never meant to be put together. It would be best if you were sure that your efforts are directed to the right person. If your partner is an escapist, cheater, or narcissist, leaving him will be the best thing to do. Invest your energy only if it hits the right person.
Give each other some space:
While in a relationship, we often believe that giving no space can bring love and excitement. As interesting as it may sound in the beginning, no space leads to an unfulfilled need of “me time.” If your partner is willing to leave, give them some space to rethink everything. You might also want to take some space and think of the plausible reasons the marriage is falling apart.
Find time to negotiate:
The next thing you need to do is talk, negotiate, and resolve. Now that your partner has made their saddening decision to leave, you need to be honest and vocal about your feelings with them. Find the time, negotiate the problems you two have, and convince your spouse of your love and devotion. You may also want to assure them about your efforts in the future to save the sinking ship of this relationship.
5. Listen and explain calmly:
While we already talked about in-person negotiations, keeping these conversations calm and considerate is vital. Since your partner has a problem with this relationship, you need to listen to understand their stance. No matter what your partner says, be calm and listen to it because finding a solution requires a clear understanding of the problem itself.
6. Present your perspective:
Once you have understood the core issue of the problem, it is your time to present your viewpoint. Do not be highly defensive or offensive while giving your point of view. Remember that your spouse has made a decision that can immediately break your marriage. Try to speak to them about your opinion and be honest about it. Moreover, you must be brave enough to accept if you find out you were wrong in a particular matter. Accept and assure that this factor will not hinder our relationship in the future.
7. Don’t drag older issues:
A heartbreaking reality often seen in relationships is dragging old issues into resentment. Imagine your partner stating out the problematic aspect of the connection while pointing out a thing they did five years ago. It just does not make sense. If anything, bringing out buried issues will add more to the already existing problem.
8. Convince on starting fresh:
A person decides to leave a relationship only when they see nothing in it anymore. To make your partner believe that there is more to your relationship, you need to convince them to start fresh. Accept what went wrong, accept your fair share of the problems and start your journey towards the revival of your relationship.
9. Seek professional help:
There are times when your spouse is unwilling to understand anything. You might not be able to deal with this situation on your own. This is where professional help comes in. Seek a renowned couple therapist to seek a way out of this tornado in your relationship. A skilled therapist will also allow your spouse to perform catharsis and bring out feelings of dismay and concern.
The last but most important step is becoming aware of reality. You tried your best; you made all the efforts needed to revive the marriage. However, if your husband/wife still wants to leave, you need to accept it as a reality check. People have sometimes made up their minds, and it is tough to change their perspectives. If, after all the efforts stated in the previous steps, your partner doesn’t listen, it is time you move on too.
Conclusion About Saving a Marriage Alone – When Only One is willing
Whatever reason for contending lies in your relationship, be ready to accept it. Comprehend what went wrong and make your partner realize it is not the end of the world. Be there for them and practically show them that you genuinely want to relive the beauty of your bond together. By the end, you must remember that marriage is a two-way bond between two people. You can do your part and wait for the results from the other side. However, blind efforts with no results from the other one are useless and futile.
We really hope your struggle finds a way to a solution. We wish you luck in re-inventing your relationship and making it a happily ever after again.
Amanda Love is a marriage consultant and a relation advisor. She is a lawyer by profession that mainly deals in the issues related to marriage, divorce and physical abuse.