How Long Do Rebound Relationships Last for Men? A Detailed Informative Guide
Initiating and holding a broken heart
You have met someone. He tells you that he just came out of a painful breakup. At first, everything seems great. One is helpless and needs affection and the other assumes the heroic role of rescuing and caring for him so that he can believe in love again. There is passion, there are promises of eternity, there is interest … and suddenly … I am overwhelmed; I don’t know what’s wrong with me; Can we go slow. The bouncing couple’s dance begins.
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Wait and hold your emotions to discontinue
You wonder how we are going to go slowly when a month ago we already had names for our future children. How did we go from Ferrari to my great-grandfather’s stroller? It doesn’t matter, remember. He just got out of a bad relationship, he needs time, while I will be there giving everything, my love will heal him. At times the other is cold; at times, he is affectionate again. The one who plays the role of the blue prince (or princess) on his white horse begins to feel that something strange is happening. But, you tell yourself, if he keeps looking for me, he has to feel something for me.
The other person seems to be the one setting the pace, and his pace is maddening. Go from I miss you so I need time to miss you. She asks you not to wait for her, but when you don’t wait, she will look for you. You no longer speak daily, or if you do, the conversation is either cold or tepid, or promising or frustrating, alternately. What’s going on?
Rebound relationships: new couple after a breakup
Respect the period of mourning
Like any other loss, a breakup requires a period of grief in which the person takes time to take distance, reorganize his life and thoughts, clear emotions, and overcome pain.
A quick solution for people who do not feel prepared to be alone is to skip this phase of grief, quickly getting involved in a new relationship.
The clear advantage of this way of behaving is not having to face the pain of loss.
Expectations change focus, the illusion stays awake, and suffering is avoided. However, resorting to these kinds of “bouncing relationships” can have some drawbacks for both of you.
Some drawbacks of bouncing relationships
They say that “one nail drives out another nail.” However, starting with a new person when you are still thinking about your ex can have some unfavorable consequences.
First of all, the hurt and the fear-filled person runs the risk of not choosing the new partner well, throwing himself into the arms of the first person who crosses his path.
When choosing a partner, it is important not to lose sight of certain basic compatibility criteria to avoid foreseeable failure.
In the state of a duel, we do not have the full capacity to analyze and decide. We are probably not even 100 percent ourselves.
The person is in emotional turmoil caused by the loss. It can be involved in moments of confusion and uncertainty regarding the present and the future.
Resolving a crisis like this makes us less available to involve ourselves in the new love, which requires energy and dedication.
The new partner can feel used, as an easily replaced “emotional mattress.”
Besides, the ex-partner, who will also be going through his period of mourning, may come to stand — voluntarily or involuntarily — in the new relationship.
Talking or arguing with the ex-partner very often, bringing him up in conversation, turning his head, these everyday situations can lead to the beginning of the new relationship with some anguish and frustration on the part of both.
For all this, it is advisable to resolve our past before starting something different.
Still, the possibility is not ruled out that, although the beginning may not be ideal, there is an authentic rapport that consolidates over time, becoming a healthy and nurtured relationship.
Am I not ready to be alone?
Look for relationships in a chained way, one after another, without remaining a single, at any single time?
Start new relationships, even with a partner. “Being to be” with the current partner, waiting for “someone better” to arrive. Do these situations sound familiar to you?
This is the behavior pattern of those who are emotionally dependent.
They may have an outward appearance of independence, but deep down, they don’t know how to be alone. Sometimes, they don’t even release their ex-partners at all.
There are different degrees of emotional dependency. Deep within emotional dependents are a very noticeable deficit in self-esteem and a feeling of little worth.
They feel an excessive emotional need and a desire for constant recognition on the part of the couple. They become fused with the other, blurring their personality, making it similar to that of the companion.
Emotional dependence can be worked with the help of a professional who guides the person in the proper development of their self-concept and self-esteem.
Amanda Love is a marriage consultant and a relation advisor. She is a lawyer by profession that mainly deals in the issues related to marriage, divorce and physical abuse.